So, in keeping with my primary political mission to remind everyone that what we are seeing right now is far outside of how due process and good government is supposed to work (and to continue Gary Kasparov’s advice that, in the face of a flood of bullshit, keep repeating the truth until someone notices), let’s remember:

  1. The Whitehouse whistleblower went through all the proper, legal channels to run their complaint up the chain of command.
  2. When there are serious allegations about corruption or abuse of power; the person those allegations are leveled against is not allowed to investigate themselves. This is why people accused of murder are not allowed to conduct their own investigations; if you think that, well, I didn’t realize OJ Simpson was among my dubious readership, but, welcome, sir.
  3. The whistleblower allegations primarily concern a quid pro quo deal between the US and the Ukraine in which the president extorted the Ukranians to investigate the Bidens in exchange for military aid.
  4. The whistleblower alleges that the full, unredacted transcript of this conversation is currently stored on beyond-top-secret servers usually reserved for stuff like the Usama bin Laden raid. As the LegalEagle legal analysis channel pointed out, that’s bizarre, and, by itself, could constitute an abuse of power, but, if the whistleblower is accurate and there’s worse stuff on the top-secret servers, then there’s some serious stuff going on at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
  5. The official, “sanitized,” redacted transcript released by the White House is, by itself, pretty damning, particularly the phrase, “do us a favor.” The words “quid pro quo” are never mentioned, but when someone with a nuclear arsenal uses the word, “favor,” it’s like getting an offer you can’t refuse from Marlon Brando. The subtext is almost inconsequential.
  6. The president has offered a $50000 bounty on the whistleblower, whose identity is currently a closely-guarded secret by members of Congress and the intelligence watch-dog agencies they ran the complaint through. This is beyond insane when you remember that The Donald has the NSA at his disposal (of course, they’re smart enough to get those orders in writing, and, if there’s one thing Mafia Dons/Mafia Donalds don’t like, it’s a paper trail).
  7. Yesterday, we got to see a bizarre performance art piece in which an alleged billionaire had a very public, on-air melt-down at a press conference when asked some fairly basic questions regarding Congress’s ongoing investigation/impeachment proceedings. This in no way at all resembles dementia patient behavior or organic brain disease, and, as someone with documented organic brain disease, I specifically told you so.
  8. Mafia Don(ald) is now openly calling for China to investigate the Bidens ( Let me remind everyone that, while it is well within China’s rights to investigate people with allegations of criminal wrong-doing, it is beyond bizarre that a man who can literally get the FBI Director on the phone in ten minutes is asking China (a country renowned for its fair and open criminal justice system) to investigate a family that — I’m sure this is just a coincidence — seem to pose the biggest political threat to The Donald and his minions/children.
  9. The state of New York is currently investigating The Donald for tax evasion. As my father pointed out, that’s what brought down Al Capone, too.
  10. The Bidens may or may have not done some shady stuff in the Ukraine, but that is 100% Ukrainian jurisdiction, and, in the meantime, they don’t have the nuclear codes. The Bidens can wait, we have more imminent problems at the moment.
  11. Why would Hope Hicks ever leave an environment as safe, supportive, and wholesome as that?

It’s at this point that I have to bring evolutionary theory into it. Species evolve certain adaptations or behaviors because those are the best for that specific environment. Species go extinct when those conditions change in such a way as to render those adaptations obsolete. Case in point, our environment is undergoing massive, fast-paced changes on a scale unheard of, and a horrifying number of species face extinction (see G. Thunberg’s recent remarks to the UN), raccoons, feral dogs, rats, and cockroaches, on the other hand — species with a varied diet that can do well in a variety of different environments — are doing well. Similarly, N. Pelosi arrived in office in 1987, and has successfully outlasted five presidential administrations. The Donald entered the scene two years and 9-ish months ago (If you want to know what it’s like to undergo aggressive cancer treatment, that’s not a bad metaphor — the past 33 months have seemed like an entire decade). If you’re a Vegas odds-maker, historically, one of these people is likelier to get the better of the other, and it’s not the one with bad hair.

Bringing it back to evolution; The Donald has adapted his behavior to Queens real estate development and his organized crime financiers, and, because there is no real, immediate pay-off for going the extra distance, stopped growing sometime during his cameo in Home Alone 2. Meanwhile, Congress has sent out multiple subpoenas just this week. Do you really want to bet a man who can’t sit still for the Presidential Daily Briefing (a briefing which, let’s recall, even the linguistically-impaired George W. Bush thought was a crucial part of his day) is going o be able to get in front of that particular disaster? Or was yesterday’s grotesque display of insanity and vulgarity just the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?

Written by

Science journalist, cancer survivor, biomedical consultant, the “Wednesday Addams of travel writers.”

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