Flyin’ Ted
Much as everyone hates it, we still have to discuss Raphael Edward Cruz. I know; I don’t want to, you don’t want to; everyone (including his constituents, at this point) would probably rather see him stay in Cancun and leave the salvation of Texas with Beto O’Rourke, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and anyone willing to lend a hand. But Ted Bundy — er, Cruz — is an unfortunate symptom of a deeper problem.
In medicine, there is a distinction between “signs” and “symptoms” in diagnostic medicine. “Signs” are things that can be seen/detected by others (making them allegedly more-reliable); “symptoms” are what patients or caregivers report (giving them a subjective, less-reliable basis). Even though most people use the terms interchangeably, they aren’t, and most clinicians like to have both before making a diagnosis. The distinction is important, because, prior to this, most of Ted’s bad behavior could be seen through a subjective, positive light. If you want an example of that, you can go to Fox News for any number of bizarre rationalizations. I’ve seen more than a few of them, such as, “What do you expect a senator to do in an emergency?” Welp, literally ANYTHING. I know from working as an EMT that, in the face of a catastrophic incident, even an untrained set of hands is a welcome resource, even if it’s just to carry water, get coffee, or help evacuate people.
These are all signs of the self-reported symptom of Ted Cruz. The other signs of Teddy Inaction are that he was quick to blame his daughters, wife, and, one assumes, Obama, for a private, personal vacation. None of his excuses is convincing, sympathetic, or relatable. And the facts keep getting more-damning (he left the family dog at home)(this is Disney villain-levels of cartoonishly macabre evil). Everyone who’s been following the career of Ted knows that he’s given to idiotic theatrics, expensive political maneuvering for little-to-no gain, and he was voted in during that stupid Tea Party debacle. For my friends not in the United States, there’s always been a thread of libertarianism in American politics — arguably, that need to rape slaves and steal land from indigenous tribes without King George’s authorization is what drove the Founding Fathers. However, it’s worth noting that, while there may be movements and parties that held unfettered liberty as an unspoken value, very few folks openly advocated the complete dismemberment and disbandment of all central government. Then came the Tea Party, which was an Astroturfed libertarian movement funded by the Koch Bros, Inc. (Ernst and Edward Stavros-Blofeld Koch, in case anyone wondered), and they provided the votes for He Who Must Be Shaved. Even though a lot of the Senators and Congressmen swept in during that weird, terrible mid-term have since been flushed out of office; Thor, God of Dunder, somehow remained in office. I know Texans; I have several family members who reside there, and, even though I know most of them aren’t in lock-step with most of their state; it’s still baffling to me that the good people of Texas haven’t risen as one to replace Cruz. But I digress; the important point here is; Ted rose to prominence on a brief-lived fringe political movement that was, in retrospect, based largely on xenophobia and light fascism. How they selected a Cuban-Canadian to be their icon is another bizarre footnote. Cruz’s whole political career is based more on dog-whistle rhetoric and publicity stunts than policy or governance. If I were inclined toward cynicism, I’d put forth the idea that Cruz is an utterly amoral being whose only allegiance is to power, and that has informed all of his decisions since, from his weird embrace of Donald to his sudden desire to blame his children’s regrettable decision to flee Texas in the middle of a natural disaster (there’s nothing bizarre about this timing, at all).
If the signs here are that a politician has spent most of their time in office alienating their colleagues and pandering to their extremist lunatic base, and will immediately sacrifice the family pets (and kids) on the altar of political expediency, the symptoms are Ted’s increasingly weird and desperate lies that he was dragged to Cancun against his will. One of these does not align with the other, which is why most clinicians like to have both.
If I were diagnosing this situation, given Cruz’s incessantly weird lies, I’d argue two points about Ted and the Tea Party:
- He didn’t expect to get caught.
- He didn’t expect to face any sort of consequences. After all, he’s been office for a while and no one has sent a lynch mob after him.
Neither of these are traits one really wants to see in a city council member, let alone a member of the Senate. And, given the narrowing margins of the GOP in the Senate, if I were Mitch McConnell, I’d quietly make arrangements to have Ted taken to a friendly legislature upstate with a big yard, and ask someone less-obviously-sociopathic if they want a cushy office gig representing Texas. And I’d look to weed out people who are actively trying to stall and subvert government in the name of oil interests. The GOP (and, possibly, American democracy) depend upon it.
