I’ve stopped paying attention to the impeachment trials. I can not be alone in this. And it’s not because they’re boring or uninteresting or unimportant or any of that; it’s because keeping up with them is, as Congress has shown, a full-time job unto itself. Despite a dizzying new array of witnesses confirming the White House’s released transcripts, the White House and Mitch McConnell keep the same old defense. I suspect that they will get this tattooed on their necks in minimum-security prison to signify their gang affiliation.

C’mon folks, it’s the holidays. Con gusto: “No collusion.” “No one said quid pro quo.” “Perfect conversation.”

Normally, that would just be, “Oh, look, it must be Wednesday in America,” but NPR was interviewing some Trump 2020 Campaign Minion (some sort of PR posting or communications director, but since The Donald hates people, can’t communicate, and has nothing but thinly-veiled contempt for the press, the actual job title was something like “Strategic Sub-Reddit Deputy Campaign Manager,” but all I heard was, “Obergruppenfuhrer”) and, in addition to the standard Trump Defense Bingo Card jingoisms, he said something in a register only minorities and German Shepherds can hear, that it was totally appropriate for the president to investigate allegations of wrong-doing personally, and that if political office shielded people from investigations, politicians would never stop running for office.

It’s possible there’s lead in the water or something and I only thought I heard statements amounting to that, but, so far, every single person in this administration has devoted every waking minute of their existence to lowering the bar. Except the president, who gets “executive time” (when I was small, that was just “recess,” except we had to outside and run around instead of surfing the web and inhaling cheeseburgers).

Cutting through the complex tangle of lies, half-truths, and coded language, if you’re still with the orangutan-in-chief, you probably need to stop reading this, and get back to arguing with scientists about how the planet is actually flat. No, the horrific implication is that the Trump Administration thinks that all politicians are secretly criminals, and getting elected is a get out of jail free card. If that strategy sounds unnervingly familiar, well…

Image for post
Image for post
Source: Wikipedia

The discerning will recall that loveable rogue from “Narcos.” So far, everything the Trump Administration has said turned out to be a lie at the time, but they worked to make it fact on their watch. In other words, almost everything they’ve said has been a statement of intent. I am now absolutely certain that if The Donald has not yet broken the law, he sure will in the next few months. And then use the office to shield himself from prosecution. Go ahead, prove me wrong and remove him from office.

That’s the punchline here. The more accurate thing would be, “It is absolutely never appropriate for the president to directly investigate anyone; that’s what attorney generals and the police are for.” The man has an air force, for God’s sake, he doesn’t need to insert his grubby, tiny fingers directly into anything. And it is beyond inappropriate to do so. Of course, I thought making fun of the handicapped on national television, admitting to saying “Grab ’em by the pussy,” and “I could murder someone in Times Square and people would still love me” would be considered less-than-presidential, so, clearly, all bets are off. Which is why it’s so fatiguing to keep up with current events. The only good news is that The Donald appears to have lost whatever initiative he had (hey, it takes a lot of energy to eat cheeseburgers and Twit for three hours a day, then get up at 3 am and do it all over again), and is now only capable of reacting (which, to be fair, has been the GOP since 1992, but I digress), and his limited reflexes haven’t been able to develop a better defense than, “No one said ‘quid pro quo” (just as Escobar probably never said “cocaine” into a landline). Even Slick Willie opened with the shock-and-awe line, “That depends on what your definition of ‘is’ is.” Trump’s no longer directly denying allegations of wrong-doing; he’s not even trying to reinterpret what would constitute a quid pro quo deal. Where is David Frost when you need him?

Written by

Science journalist, cancer survivor, biomedical consultant, the “Wednesday Addams of travel writers.”

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store